on true intentions

when making connections, when remembering names and details and paying compliments with a simper & smirk, it is critical to allow one's self to wonder why. am I merely endearing myself to people, to feel secure, to seem indispensable?

though self-absorption and utter selflessness may be two very different specimens rooted in quite different places, their fruit can bear an uncanny similarity. it's wise to be keen to such, troubling as good discernment may be.

on moving forward and staying behind

the bitterest of self-truths can be realized through repetition: that many of my actions are selfishly motivated.

similarly, many of my greatest insecurities are diminished through a similar slow process: I have big hands, such long fingers, for a woman.

tuning in the former allows me to tune in to my true intention.

but as for the latter, the awareness alone is not sufficient--one could say that awareness if the problem. in private situations I move and use my hands freely. but in public, to do something as simple as brush my brow would seem as to brandish my hands and risk drawing attention to them. very truly, I am crippled by insecurity.

I would rather concentrate my focus on the first problem. how I interact with others matters more than my own self-concept. but I know that my physical insecurities must be addressed, to, because how can I wholly focus on others if a large part of my attention remains fixed on my own self?

on shadows on display

one who craves more from life than aimless adventure, for he knows that nothing grants more excitement and pain than living with purpose.

one who relishes more than his own firm form, or the softness of a lithe young woman. who lets poignancy sing in his heart but pursues that which lacks artistry, too, because it is good. sometimes good isn't immediately beautiful.

on what is required

I must get more moved, more motivated.