wings, gills, and x-ray vision all sound sublime. but another handy superpower would be to clearly see my own motives, and the forces that move me.
we live in a "free" society, but freedoms gained by the strivings of those who came before me are partly squandered by my own predilection for the influence of other powers-at-be. I am not ruled by a single tyrant with a name and a face, but by the collective messages of many names, with many faces (and many Facebooks).
my interest in the lives of others is rooted in my very identity--my formation from the beginning has left me predisposed to allurement by others' stories, views, even visages. but I am disturbed by the degree to which I'm affected by people. I want to self-assured, poised, and determined! I wish to be noble, dammit!
sometimes it's appropriate to rest one's self in a receptive place--to take notes and take cues from the surrounding waters. but if the creatures that surround us are doing the very same thing, how can better ways of living ever emerge from the eddy? the waters are a murky mix and I crave clarity.
a recurring theme in my psychology courses is how very influenced humans are by other humans. it's a spectrum but we all lie along it somewhere--we are all concerned with the opinions of others. when I feel caught in the crosswinds of life and my resources seem slim or beyond my reach the primal fears that grip me in weak moments have to do with losing community. and losing the good opinion of others, or appearing like a failure--out of touch, on the margins, forgotten. it's not that I fear being reduced to a shivering specter in the dark so much as I am concerned that someone might see me there, and I would be alienated from my tribe.
in acknowledging that imbedded fear I must presume that it reigns in me, somehow. it holds sway.
I would much rather that my opinions on what is good and right exerted more force than the norms established, often unintentionally, by my surrounding community. but do I give it much of a fighting chance?
I expose myself to the transitory stirrings of a half-hearted public when I listen in on coffee shop conversations or scroll, scroll, scroll through facebook news feeds. it's gotta add up. meanwhile, how much say am I giving to wise men and women? or to myself?
revered leaders and thinkers don't call us to be slightly better than our friends and acquaintances. to allow ourselves to become caught up in that futile struggle is to miss the point. rather, they call us to be better than ourselves, all of the time. and not just better, you see, but good.
if I am dragged about by animal fear, and by the haphazard sounding off of other creatures just as caught in the struggle of being human, maybe I'm not so free after all. I need to give myself a fighting chance.
